


Vanilla

by WantToGetLost



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Vanilla, i am not good with tags, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-11
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-23 02:19:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WantToGetLost/pseuds/WantToGetLost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis loved Harry and his vanilla scent and couldnt imagine his life without Harry but then he didnt have to imagine anymore because Harry left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vanilla

**Author's Note:**

> i loved how this turned out also, I WASNT MEANT TO BE SAD, IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A FLUFF STORY BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPEN. I am not even sorry.
> 
> \- Andrea Xx

Louis loved Harry’s scent.

Louis also loved Harry’s voice, he just gets lost in it for hours and falls asleep to it and Louis couldn’t help but to compare it to vanilla. Because Harry smelled like vanilla and Louis felt at home and safe with Harry, so he liked the smell of vanilla, and every time he wanted to describe something as home, beautiful or as breathtaking, he said vanilla. Because he loved Harry and he loved vanilla.

At night, when Louis had nightmares that Harry would leave him, which meant his world would leave him at strand, lost and alone, Harry would sing to him, so Louis could go back to sleep. He would curl up against Harry’s chest and hold Harry’s shirt in a tight fist (if Harry wasn’t wearing a shirt, he hold on to Harry’s soft hands) and would reveal all his secrets to the night and to Harry and the smell of vanilla would overwhelm every time he exhaled Harry’s scent and he always felt intoxicated by it and he would then feel safe and at home and believed that nobody was ever going to take Harry away from him, because Harry was his and his only, along with vanilla scent.

When Louis missed Harry terribly at night – when Harry would leave to visit his family and such – Louis would take Harry’s favorite shirt (and even though Louis didn’t know, Harry never took that shirt with him on trips because he knew Louis liked the shirt) and would slide on his slender body, it was always too big on his body, but he didn’t care, because it was Harry’s and it smelled like him and he would fall asleep to the scent that Harry left behind, that beautiful vanilla scent that made Louis feel at home. And he would wake up in the middle of the night with another nightmare that Harry left him but he always wake up to an empty bed so he would cry, hoping that his nightmare would never come true and he would hold on to that shirt, the smell of vanilla feelings his nostrils and he then would stop crying, because Harry would never leave him, and because he knew how much Harry loved him (although Harry doesn’t think so) and then Louis would smile as he smelled vanilla and fall asleep again, this time hoping to dream of Harry.

Other times, when Louis was nervous because one of his art’s exhibition and was stuttering every sentence that manage to get out of his mouth and he when he fidget a lot, Harry would be there, to tell him how great he’s art is, how proud he is of Louis, and Louis would hug Harry with soft whimpers and soft _I love you’_ s and he would breath in Harry’s vanilla scent and then would know everything would be fine, he was fine as long as Harry was there to comfort him and tell him how much he loves Louis and how much he cares for Louis and that Louis is his world and he wouldn’t know what to do if Louis ever left him (ha! As if Louis would ever do something like that) and he would smile brightly at Louis before assuring him everything was going to go great. And when everything was over, Louis would jump on Harry and hug him tightly as he laughed because Harry was always right, because of course he was.

So Louis loved the scent of Vanilla because it reminded him of Harry, at that was good because he loves Harry a lot and Harry makes him feel at home and safe and like someone is always going to be there for him, because Harry promised he would always be there for Louis, no matter what. And Harry was always right.

Right?

Louis thought so too, until then – until then, Harry wouldn’t touch him. No cuddles, no pecks, no kissing and certainly not sex. And Louis got scare. Did he something that made Harry scare of touching him? Maybe Harry has finally had enough with Louis horrible body. Louis hates his body; stupid tummy, stupid fat thighs, stupid girly bum. Maybe Harry was repulsive and didn’t want Louis anymore. But – but if that happed… no. If that happened –

-Louis would die.

He wasn’t even able to think about not having his skin touching Harry’s anymore or Harry’s soft and playful pecks or to never hear his laugh that was just so full of happiness or to never hear Harry sing Louis to sleep, or never hugging Harry tight again almost as if Louis let go, his world would fall and crash. He couldn’t live without Harry’s scent.

Harry’s vanilla scent.

Because that made him feel at home and safe and happy, and he wouldn’t be able to live without that.

When Louis realized this, he closed his eyes as tears fell down his rosy cheeks and hugged Harry’s (and he’s) favorite shirt tight to his chest, not wanting to ever say goodbye to Harry ever and never. He never wanted to wake up in a bed alone and never have somebody there to sing to him and make him feel safe and as home as Harry made him feel.

Louis would never be able to love someone like he loves Harry because this love was just for him, because Harry was Louis’ anchor and sail, because Harry was his sun and moon and the clouds and all the stars that adorned the sky. He was Louis’ ocean and river and lake. He was the feeling you get when you finally realized that love could be as strong as what Louis feels for Harry. Harry was his favorite song and book, he was Louis’ favorite painting and he was Louis’ inspiration. He was a silver lining in the middle of a storm and he was that one star that always shines brighter than the others because it has so much to give and Louis wants to take and take and take. Harry was happiness and relief on a bad moment.

Harry was vanilla and Louis’ life.

Louis knew this and he knew well. He had to find out what had happened to Harry, what made he stop touching Louis all together. So he stayed the whole night up, waiting for Harry to come from his classes, but he – bit he never came. He never did and Louis cried himself to sleep.

He woke up the next morning feeling like all the life he ever and would have been drained from his body. His usually full of happiness eyes were dull and grey and dead, they were red from all the crying he had done and Harry’s favorite shirt (he wore it to sleep) was all wrinkly and full of snot and wet spots were Louis’ tear fell.

He walked to the living room and – and Niall was there. Niall, the best mate of Harry who Louis at some point had been jealous of and was always full of life, was standing on his living room, shuffling from feet to feet when he looked up and finally saw Louis.

He opened his mouth, but he couldn’t say those horrible words that Harry had asked him to deliver to poor and broken Louis. But Louis didn’t need Niall to say it, just his eyes were enough to tell him, to tell him his world was over and done.

_Harry is breaking up with you. And he says to never call him again or try to find him, he said to just go and live your life._

Niall’s words pierced Louis like a knife had been plunged to his chest, and wiggled around a few times before finally pulling out, taking Louis heart with them.

Louis cried and cried and then Niall left.

He fell to the floor, crying and hiccupping and sniffing as everything sank down. He felt alone and stupid.

Weeks after that, he was numb.

He had tried to find Harry but he had disappeared from the face of the earth and Louis could have never contact Niall and he felt so lifeless and alone. Every night he would cry and hug Harry’s shirt and smell vanilla but then – but then the smell started to dissipate, the smell was almost gone and Louis felt lost in this world and without a purpose. He felt there was no light in this dark tunnel, or no answer for this cross puzzle, like the moon without its star to shine with; all alone and lost without Harry.

Louis carrying on the days and his paintings and drawings were all the memories he had from him. Paintings about Harry mid-way laughing, Harry cooking for Louis, Harry studying, Harry singing, Harry sleeping, and Harry loving Louis.

His paintings were a huge success, it made him a well know artist, but with fame came questions and with questions came memories Louis didn’t want to remember.

Louis couldn’t leave anymore. Everyday, his mind circled the same question, why did made Harry leave him?

He never got to found out, because he knew he would never love someone again like he loved Harry and would never feel safe with the smell of vanilla anymore, so he committed suicide and left a single note over his last painting of Harry.

_There’s no reason to live if Harry isn’t with me, because he was my life and my life is gone and that means I am gone too._

If Louis had waited just a few hours more, he could have been happy because Harry came, he came to his apartment to apologize and give him an explanation but all Harry found was Louis life-less body, and if there had been anyone there that known Louis since Harry, and until his last minutes, they would have noticed how Louis looked no different than he did after Harry left him; dead, life-less, and alone.

And Harry cried and cried and felt all the pain Louis felt. And now all Harry had of Louis was vanilla.

Vanilla was happiness in a bad moment, relief between stresses, it was the stars that shine the brightest and the biggest ocean, it was a balloon full of life, it was that moment of uncontrollable laughter, and it was all the pretty flowers and all the pretty trees in this world, it was that moment when you forget your worries and live and vanilla was love of the purest because Louis liked vanilla.

Louis was vanilla and vanilla was all Harry had.


End file.
